So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
