some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
