Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
