that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
