you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
