Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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