No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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