I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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