i was born a porn star she said
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
