No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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