Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
