this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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