she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
