Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
