I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
He felt like a one man threesome
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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