I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
