ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
