I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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