a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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