textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
