that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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