Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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