I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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