hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
