i wish my penis had a tongue
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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