I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
