i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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