I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
