Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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