In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
