im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
