yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
