VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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