that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
