plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
