Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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