I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
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