Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
