ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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