In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
