dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
