if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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