I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
