North Korea, Best Korea!
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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