I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize