omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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