I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Screwed.edu
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
