My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
