My friends, they love my intelligence
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
