I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
